Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
