i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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