If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
