I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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