Do you still have your period?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Randomize
