Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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