i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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