we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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