Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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