you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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