I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
