Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
