I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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