We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
