i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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