Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
