Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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