Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
