I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
