"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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