I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
