i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
