I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
