Nicole vs. Life
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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