I just saw a hot homeless man
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
