Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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