Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
