that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
