You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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