I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
