there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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