break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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