i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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