I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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