WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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