If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
