Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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