you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
