well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
