My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
