my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
