i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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