2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
