i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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