thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
