Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
