In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
