i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just want to make out with him forever
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
