At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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