I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
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I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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