i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We have so much sex to catch up on
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
