once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
