We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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