Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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