I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
