Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
