the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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