Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
