weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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