OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize