True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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