I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
