I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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