Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
