Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
