i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
