And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
