Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize