ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just cut my nipple shaving
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Girls should come with a carfax report
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
