Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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