I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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