I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
