Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
