Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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